I don’t mean folding the laundry or cooking the dinner either, I mean something a bit bigger and less 'simple one-off task completion' than that. Just for a moment, give that question a bit of thought.
If you haven’t, maybe you’ve not felt you’ve needed any. Or maybe there’s something in the asking part, or what kind of help, or where to look for it that’s been the issue. It’s this second part in asking for help that is today’s focus.
Why is it hard to ask for help?
I’d like to think that there isn’t stigma around asking for, or even accepting help. But it’s very possible that doesn’t feel true for all of us. Asking for and accepting help is not a sign of weakness or failing, it is a recognition that going it alone all the time is extremely difficult and often counterproductive. If we can acknowledge this, the asking and accepting part becomes a lot easier.
I appreciate it is a big topic and ‘help’ can cover a wealth of possibilities - exactly what kind of 'help' (is it actual help or just unwelcome advice or interference for example?!), who is it from and with what intentions etc. It might take a while to work out what help is likely to be most useful for you and then who you’d like it to come from. And that’s OK, because the alternative could be continuing the silent struggle from not seeking or accepting (the right kind of) help.
Find the right kind of help for you
I realised last week that it had been quite some time since I had sought help, and I was in need of it, more urgently that I would have liked. I was feeling under pressure, and doing ‘all the things’ (hence the topic of last week’s blog on the ‘try harder’ fallacy). Something had to give. Fortunately, I knew just the right people to contact from my network, and the moment I did so, I felt significantly better, even though we hadn’t done anything yet! It was the anticipation of support that triggered that feeling. This week, having got some support I need in place, things are already shifting for the better.
This isn’t the part where I say coaching is the help you need, because truthfully it may not be. For some people and situations it won’t be, at least right now.
But coaching is often a question mark for people - how does it actually work and how helpful can it really be? I understand that. Until I experienced it myself, and then studied and practised over a year for my qualification, I was in the dark about this too.
In a quick summary, life coaching is about clarity – unsurprisingly, about what you want in your life! But also what you don’t want and understanding yourself better. It’s about identifying what’s in your way, considering new thinking and perspectives and possible solutions or outcomes for yourself; it’s a time-out and yet also precious focus (on the things that matter); it’s being held accountable but also understanding why it is you might put something off. That’s your starter for ten!
So, if you are curious, do ask the question, speak with a coach or two. It could be worth at least that first conversation. Whilst I have written before about 'the dark side of coaching', there is a huge amount of light too, I promise!
If you are interested in support from me as your coach, please get in touch for a no-obligation chat: kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com, I'd love to hear from you.
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