OK, it’s actually the season to be kind all the time, but I think at this time of year, with all the additional festive busy-ness in particular, the reminder can be even more important and needed.
This time a year ago, almost to the very day I wrote a blog on ‘the December (mother)load’ (definitely a thing!) As I re-read it today, I realised I could have pretty much said the exact same thing again. Obviously I won’t do that, but I do think a lot of what I said stands. You can read that blog here, and it is most definitely a reminder of the importance of kindness – to ourselves.
Why kindness matters
In my opinion, kindness is underrated as a quality. It can seem inadequate or ‘blah’ to say someone is ‘kind’ as a personal quality (a bit like ‘nice’, it feels nondescript or lightweight). Or that somehow, kindness is a given really so not worth mentioning. I beg to differ!
There are many inspiring quotes on the importance of kindness, and these are just two of my favourites:
"Kindness is igniting a light in someone else for no reason other than to watch them enjoy the glow." - RAKtivist
And this one:
"Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind." - Henry James
Kindness is one of my top values in life and business (along with acceptance and courage – more on those another time!). The kindness part is really quite simple:
- treat others with kindness because you never know everything that is going on for them (and nor should you!),
- it can make a world of difference to receive kindness and it hasn’t cost you anything other than a bit of your time,
- it is also good for your soul (I really do think this is true), and, finally but so importantly,
- remember to extend this kindness to yourself.
I know that this last one is where a lot of us struggle!
Kindness to yourself is important too!
If you see someone you care about struggling, or if someone confides in you their difficulties, chances are your natural response is one based in kindness and all those associated attributes such as empathy, compassion, helpfulness, understanding and caring.
And if we’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of response, we know just how much we appreciate that kindness, how it has made us feel (recognised, understood and cared for as an example). Isn’t it therefore ironic that even though we know this, we can often fail to treat ourselves in the same way?!
Even if you can just recognise this thought and see some truth in it, it is a starting point for extending greater kindness and compassion in future towards yourself. You deserve kindness too, and it’s not indulgent to treat yourself kindly as well as others.
Think how you respond to encouragement (the carrot) as opposed to punishment (the stick) – why would you choose to beat yourself with a stick over having a carrot, to achieve potentially the same positive outcome for yourself?! I know putting it like this seems ludicrous, but I’m trying to press the point of how the kindness we naturally extend to others (because we know it makes sense and we tap into it without even thinking) can and should also be applied to ourselves – I dare you to try it!
You can find a wealth of information on this subject here https://self-compassion.org/ courtesy of Dr Kristin Neff, who has also found in her research that those who are self-compassionate are ‘less likely to be critical of themselves, and less likely to be anxious and depressed, which, in turn, leads to greater life satisfaction.’ As a life coach, ‘greater life satisfaction’ is pretty much my reason for being, so I’m game and I hope you are too!
How to be kind to yourself
There probably won't be anything here you will be surprised by, or probably haven't heard before, but the reminder I'm sure is helpful:
- notice how you talk to yourself and if it is unduly harsh, try to replace it with the kind of supportive language you'd use for a friend;
- establish those habits you know you either enjoy for yourself and / or are good for you and know help you (even better if they are both!);
- know what gives you a quick boost or pick-me-up and try to build these in regularly;
- take a moment to celebrate and be grateful for 'the good stuff' too - we can easily overlook this and focus on the negatives.
If you’d like some support with this and know that your self-kindness is not where you'd like it to be, please do get in touch – kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com
Comments