What do we mean by self-care?
I know the term ‘self-care’ makes some people shudder a bit – it’s one that’s got used a lot post-Covid and can rub people up the wrong way. But bear with me! Yes, it can conjure up images of bubble baths, pampering and face masks and can feel very prescriptive, idealistic and, in many cases, irrelevant. That’s not going to be the perception of self-care I want to create and talk about here.
Consider that at any given moment, the only person who really knows how you are feeling physically (e.g. any little aches and pains, temporary gripes or longer term issues), mentally (e.g. are you feeling mentally strong and focused, or weak and distracted?), and emotionally (e.g. are you on an even keel emotionally today or are emotions bubbling right at the surface?) is you and no one else. The best-placed person to know what kind of care you might need is you. Trouble is, we often feel too busy with other ‘priorities’ to fit this in.
Some of us may also consciously or unconsciously object to the word ‘care’, like it may denote a weakness, that we require ‘looking after’ in some way. I suggest let’s not get preoccupied with the term, but acknowledge that we do need to support ourselves (and are best placed to do so!) in order to have the energy, creativity, balance, productivity and resilience we desire in our lives.
A helpful perspective of self-care
So let’s shift this thinking about self-care to something more helpful, practical and something we might actually want and be able to embrace! It doesn’t have to be an hour long uninterrupted soak in the tub (equally, it can be if that’s your thing!). It doesn’t have to be the same thing at the same time each day or each week. It can (and probably should) be a response to what your mind or body needs, in that moment if at all possible. That could just even mean taking a two-minute time-out!
I think a healthy view of what self-care can look like for you is seeing it as a small series of incremental changes in different parts of your life, all with the aim of improving your physical, mental or emotional wellbeing. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that!
Why self-care matters
A friend of mine is passionate about self-care and she said something along the lines of:
‘it isn’t something you earn from a job well done, you need it to do a job well at all.’
And I love that, and try to keep that message in mind: if I’m feeling good in my body, will I be better able to concentrate whilst writing this blog? Yes. If I’m hydrated and have eaten well, will I be able to focus and be less likely to wonder off for snacks every 15 minutes? Let’s hope so! If I’m feeling emotionally balanced, will I find my creativity is directed towards what I want it to be rather than preoccupied with something else? More than likely.
Self-care doesn’t always have to be an ‘additional’ thing to squeeze into our busy lives like a ‘has to be done’ chore, it could be a different way of doing something we already do. And if it is an additional thing, it may not need to be time-consuming, and the benefits it may reap afterwards are worth it in any event.
How to introduce self-care
Here’s my experience of thinking more about self-care:
I now do a 10-min workout each day. Just 10 minutes. I know I can find time for that. My preferred time is in the morning, and when I start work I don’t feel I’ve lost 10 minutes, I actually feel more focused. I may not be able to directly compare to my ‘pre workout’ days, but I think I can say with some confidence that I’m not ‘down’ on 10 minutes that could have been better used elsewhere.
I fill my water bottle each morning, have it next to me whilst I work, and aim for 3 of them each day, usually I have a rough idea of when the refill should be happening to meet this target.
I also love to read, so my book is next to my bed so I can read it before I go to sleep, rather than scroll on social media! (Admittedly, sometimes I do both!)
These are 3 things in my ‘self-care toolkit’ that you may not have even recognised or considered as a source of self-care. They may also feel like mismatches for you, and that’s fine! I’d urge you to consider what things could you put in your own personalised self-care toolkit to draw upon – they can range from just a couple of minutes, to a substitute of a current practise, something for 10-20 mins each day / week / whenever it feels helpful etc. (Bubble bath is optional).
I'll end by saying please don't be put off by the term 'self-care', if you prefer to think about 'improved wellbeing' or any other term, then that's absolutely fine, it's the end objective and result that matters: a you whose needs are identified and met by the person best placed to do so (and with help from others if this applies!). If you're interested in coaching being part of your current toolkit, please do get in touch: kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com
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