Obviously, I’m not talking about the physical gap when you step off the train (although I am quite clumsy so that reminder is also helpful!).
The gap - between our working identities and our home life identities
The gap I am talking about is the one between our working identities (whether that is employed, or self-employed, freelancer, full time or part time, career break or maternity leave) and our home life identities (family, school, childcare, home responsibilities). It’s the part that is just us, our unique personal identities, and our needs and wants.
It’s been a challenging couple of years for many of us and now in the UK, our political and economic landscape is shifting significantly, creating uncertainty and increased discomfort. As I’ve blogged about before, although we are hearing the consequences of the pandemic or Brexit mentioned less often, we are hearing more on the cost of living crisis as the unwelcome replacement. Now, in October 2022, mortgages have joined energy prices on the current list of financial woes.
I believe this backdrop places greater pressure on the working and home life identities – am I earning enough to cover our increased costs? Is my role / income safe? Will there be a school trip to pay for soon? How long before I cave in and put the heating on? – these are the kinds of questions that might be added into the mix for many of us at the moment, understandably so. (I’m still trying to hold out on the heating!).
But back to the gap – and this is the part I fear is now more than ever at an increased risk of being ignored, forgotten or sacrificed, as the other two big hitters vie for more of your time and attention. Just consider this question for a moment - do you remember the last time you really spent some time thinking about just yourself? I know that it might sound selfish - after all, we are often told not to just think of ourselves and to think of others! But to not think of ourselves can lead to frustration, overwhelm, resentment and burnout to name a few.
As a life coach who tends to work with mums, I am not a parenting expert. We may inevitably talk about being a parent because it is part of your identity, as much as your working life is too. But I like to help people create some space to think about and talk about that all important third part – the part that is just about you (not the you that is a parent, or the you that is an accountant / small business owner etc). I want to know about you, what you think, who you are and what you want, need and desire. Understanding yourself better is a great starting point for clarity and focus in our lives (there's a lot more on this in my blog ' is a life coach worth it?'). And if you’re not sure what your wants, needs and desires are, we can explore that together! Because if we don’t give those things any thought, we can be in danger of experiencing life on autopilot, focused on obligations and on others. It’s OK to ask ‘what about me?’ (I will ask you that!), and more importantly to focus on what the answers to that question might be for you and what that might mean for your next chapter.
If you'd like to explore coaching with me, please get in touch via kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com. I'm now offering a 75-min coaching taster session for £99 that you can book now.
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