In my last blog I talked about the importance of having courage first to create confidence as a consequence. However, ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’ doesn’t always come easily to many of us; something gets in the way of us having the courage to act, meaning we are in danger of not pursuing what we really want. At worst or over a prolonged period of time, this can result in feeling stuck, trapped, frustrated or resentful. And no one wants to feel this way!
what are limiting beliefs?
Fundamentally, that ‘something’ in the way of having courage to take action is ‘your thinking’. In the coaching world, we often refer to this kind of thinking as consisting of ‘limiting beliefs’. They can be there without us even realising they are there, let alone with the realisation of the power they may be having over our thoughts and actions (or lack of actions!).
So what can we do about this? Awareness and acknowledgement is the first step, as you have to be aware of something to consciously act on it! Here are some of the most common limiting beliefs I have heard in my last three years as a coach, maybe there are one or two in there, or a close variation thereof, that ring true for you:
· I’m not clever / talented enough ...
· I don’t have the time / money / energy to...
· I don’t expect good things to happen for me...
· What I do is bound not to work / it will probably fail...
· I don’t think I can change...
· It’s too late to start / change something now...
· Others will judge me...
where do limiting beliefs come from?
Our beliefs are formed through our life experiences, our upbringing, our assumptions about the world and our place in it, and our expectations. They can be hard to argue with!
We hold them to be true, even when there may be no proof of this belief actually being true, particularly when it comes to beliefs about ourselves, our capabilities, limitations and our potential. This can also extend to our views on our circumstances, and of others.
Unfortunately, our brains are actually secretly quite lazy – the brain likes habit so it can use its valuable energy on problem-solving and tasks that require our concentration. What that means is that once we’ve been familiarised into a general pattern of thinking in a particular way, those neural pathways become strengthened by repetition and before we are even aware, we have become accustomed to thinking a certain thought like second nature, and accepting it as a truth. It’s a story we tell ourselves and it becomes our reality. But don’t panic, all is not lost!
what can we do about limiting beliefs?
Now that we are aware of potentially limiting beliefs impeding us, we need to be prepared to consider this belief for what it actually is – something we have been accustomed to thinking, unchallenged, and that is all it is, a thought.
As one of my favourite coaches Michael Neill, said ‘we can entertain our thoughts or let our thoughts entertain us’. I’m sure you can recall a time when you’ve had an entirely inappropriate thought at a really inopportune moment (like shouting out an objection during someone’s wedding vows!), and in some relief you’ve pushed that thought out of your mind. You didn’t entertain it as true, or useful, or decide to act on it. We can do the same with those pesky limiting beliefs, but it does take a more concerted and repeated effort to do so. Like most things, there isn’t a magic wand solution (unfortunately!).
It's very difficult, if not impossible, to actually prevent thoughts appearing in the first place, especially the kinds of thoughts that habitually appear for us, in one guise or another. But that isn’t to say that we should underestimate the power of recognising that it is just a thought – you don’t have to give it power, or sway, and sure enough soon enough the thought is replaced by a new one (even a mundane one like what you might eat for dinner!).
To take it a step further, you can challenge those limiting beliefs, and whilst this is certainly work you can do with a coach, it is also something you can work on independently. Is there evidence that this belief you’ve been accustomed to hearing actually holds any truth? If it did once, does that mean it is always true? Will it always be true no matter what you do?
What can be so powerful with this is that if you are able to ‘disempower’ the belief, over time the habitual thought can be replaced with a new more enabling thought ‘I am able to do x,y,z’ , you will have new evidence to support this way of thinking, and this can become your new (unlimiting) belief. Let me know what you think, I’d love to hear from you!
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