Or to narrow that down a bit more: is 'stealth meh' limiting your happiness - without you even realising it?
As a life coach, hearing “I’m fine” is a bit of a red flag, or at least an amber warning! Of course, sometimes we are ‘fine’ (whatever that exactly means is probably a whole other topic and will mean different things to different people!). But more often than not, I think “I’m fine” is the platitude we say when we don’t want to talk about or even acknowledge what is really going on, and we may be hiding many other feelings, emotions and struggles.
And I think ‘stealth meh’ has a lot to answer for here!
Maybe your household as a whole is ‘fine’. Your child(ren) is / are doing ok, seem happy and healthy. Things with your partner are ‘fine’. It’s not like you’re getting into explosive arguments or anything. Work is ‘fine’ in that you’ve got a job and are bringing money in.
But are you fine? If so, is fine what you’re willing to settle for? Or is ‘stealth meh’ creeping in?
What is ‘stealth meh’ and how does it limit happiness?
This is a term I’ve come up with from my coaching practise, and it’s something I’ve experienced myself. It is when things cumulatively, and often gradually and sneakily, become further and further removed from the direction you truly and honestly want your life to go in. And the extra sneaky bit that makes it hard to spot is that you probably feel ‘people have it far worse than you, what have you got to complain about really?’, and so stealth meh continues on its gradual trajectory, not least because your feelings of guilt get in the way.
There are no alarm bells going off because you’ve experienced a gradual declining level of acceptance. Bit by bit, you let go of things that mattered to you because you just didn’t have the capacity to fight for them. After living on autopilot and just ‘getting through the day’, when you look around at your life, it doesn’t really feel like yours. It’s not what you wanted. It’s where you ended up. It’s meh. You didn’t realise it at first but it’s definitely meh.
Part of you accepts it as ‘your lot’ and the way it is. Everyone says motherhood is hard, being a working mum is hard, even life in general is hard, and it seems that many people have stories of situations much worse than yours.
But part of you has a desire for more. You don’t want your life to be meh. You don’t want to settle for a low rumbling of dissatisfaction. You want to get back on track and do something for yourself that feels right (not just ‘fine’!)
I appreciate this may feel hard to read and you might be thinking ‘that’s not me, is it?’ (and maybe it isn’t).
It’s not fun to admit that you’re not as happy as you could be or want to be with your life, especially as there are probably aspects for which you feel like you should be grateful (e.g. your kids, your partner, your job). You can still be grateful for those things and feel like there’s something missing. Our lives also include us as an individual with our own hopes and dreams, as well as our family and working identities.
Signs of stealth meh limiting your happiness
You’re allowed to admit that you’ve got a bit of ‘stealth meh’ in your life. The common signs of it I find are:
You have thoughts like ‘it is what it is’ and ‘this is my lot’
Your priorities / actions have shifted and it no longer feels like your life aligns with your values or what actually really matters to you
You spend all your time doing and have no time for just being
You don’t really know what brings you joy anymore
You’re living on autopilot and not really making conscious choices about your life
You don’t know who you are or what you want
You feel guilty about prioritising yourself
You feel burdened by the pressure of other people’s expectations and demands and value their opinions above your own
You’re not truly happy and you can’t put your finger on why
Maybe ‘stealth meh’ just resonates with you. Life could be worse but it could be a whole lot better and that’s got you thinking.
What do I do about stealth meh and limited happiness?
Something needs to change. Lean into that part of you that yearns for more. I’m not talking about quitting your job and travelling the world for a year (unless that’s a dream of yours!) Whatever it is, it helps to look inward first.
Consider unpicking how you got to a place of dissatisfaction and ‘stealth meh’ - not to play the ‘blame game’ but to better understand yourself and your personal situation. I imagine along the way, there will have been some stumbling blocks such as guilt, fear, expectations, pressure and other messy interfering gubbins! Then you can turn your attention to the trajectory that feels in the right direction for you, away from stealth meh! Just one small step is a good place to start when thinking of the big and possibly overwhelming question ‘what do I really want?’. For example, you might start with the small things that bring you joy on a daily basis.
This is the work I do with my life coaching clients. I’m there as an unbiased and non-judgemental listening ear. I have no reason to push you in any particular direction; my role is to help you to find your own way. I can also help you to reflect, picking up on patterns and asking questions to help you get greater insight. As a life coach, I know strategies and techniques for coping with issues and navigating change. It’s my goal for you to finish our coaching partnership feeling equipped to go out into the world and create your happiness.
If you're ready to break out of ‘stealth meh’ and find greater happiness, book a clarity call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit and you can take a peek at my coaching partnership packages here too.
Comentários