Or have it exactly? Always? Maintained?
I haven’t specifically said ‘work / life balance’, a term we are all probably familiar with, but that will get discussed too!
The last time I did a values exercise (granted, I should probably do it again soon as it was a while ago), ‘balance’ was one of my highest scoring values. I suspect it will be again. But is it possible to have a romanticised notion of balance and what this means hypothetically v reality? I think so.
Can we really achieve balance in our lives?
I’ve noticed the term ‘work / life balance’ seems to be falling out of favour – certainly in some of the opinions I’ve seen expressed. I wasn’t entirely sure why, although perhaps the romanticised notion I mentioned above might be a factor. Also, it seems to suggest that work is one part of your identity, on one side of the scales, and ‘life’ is everything else lumped together on the other side of the scales and you must try to balance both of those things somehow. That would suggest that they have to be opposing factors (which they may feel like for some, but not for others), and I would add that lumping everything other than ‘work’ together under ‘life’ potentially does a disservice to all the facets that would sit here, such as parenting and / or caring for others.
I also came across this article and it made a bit more sense to me, https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210302-why-work-life-balance-is-not-an-achievement as despite the title, the point is that ‘work / life balance’ isn’t something you achieve, tick, and move on. It is a moving feast. And that makes sense to me as a coach as not least our preferences and needs change over time, and so what this balanced work / life picture looks like will also change. And does something always stay perfectly in balance, like on a knife edge? Highly likely it won’t for long!
So, reverting back to the overall theme of ‘balance’ and how this too might be a moving feast, I’ve been paying the concept more attention this week and what balance in my life looks like (and what I’d like it to look like). Then, as always, what can I actually do about it!
Balance – noun – an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady; a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions; verb – put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.
Some parts of these definitions I really like in a coaching context – a distribution to remain steady (metaphorically rather than literally!), elements being in the correct proportion, and finally, not falling over! Notice how different those parts are though – something can remain steady enough not to fall, but perhaps not be in ideal proportions (I think this sums up how many of us feel about our sense of balance at times!).
A representation of balance
So instead of a set of scales, with life on one side and work on the other, I’ve developed my own balance seesaw. I actually spoke with a client about this imaginary seesaw about 2 years ago, so it is about time it came to life!
We are all at the centre of our own balance seesaw, handily represented by the stick man in the image (that’s about as good as one of my drawings would get!). All the things we have going on in our lives are represented by the boxes.
Some are larger than others.
Some are heavier than others.
Some boxes will always be there, some will come and go.
Sometimes they move position on the seesaw according to the prominence they have in our lives (i.e. near the edges for more prominent things where their weight is felt more keenly)
Sometimes we get to take stuff out of the boxes as things change, or extra things go in.
(Consider this example - you’re moving house. You’re negotiating a sale and a purchase, solicitors, searches, legal documents, finance checks... that is one big heavy box right now and it is very prominent! After exchange, you get to take some stuff out of the box, and maybe put a few other (hopefully lighter) things in the box, like mail redirection, talking to new suppliers. Later still, the box moves to a less prominent position on the seesaw you remove some of these things from the box until hopefully it’s empty and can be removed from the seesaw altogether.)
If you’ve read any of my other blogs or are part of my Facebook community, ‘the lost mum community’, you’ll know I am a big fan of ensuring that self-care features somewhere in our lives. These are represented by the balloons attached to the seesaw, holding it up rather than weighing it down. In this way, not all the weight of the boxes are squashing you in the middle as the load-bearer! Taking the house move example above, once you’ve moved, you might want to do some redecorating. For some people this would be another box, for others it may be a balloon as they can unleash their creativity and enjoy the process.
Maybe it’s worth considering what is in your boxes right now, and which you may want to pay attention to because of their weight and / or prominence. Can you alter anything in the box somehow? Whilst keeping an exact equilibrium all the time I would say is nigh on impossible, we need to prevent ourselves from being squashed in the middle. Your balloons are your support network and mechanisms, your self-care, your hobbies, the small things that give you joy. Please make sure you look at them as well as the boxes – their role is just as important.
If this has made sense to you, and you'd like to talk to someone impartial, please feel free to reach out kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com or book straight into a complimentary clarity session via the top menu bar.
Comments