Well, in my 4 years of self-employed life coaching, I think this has to be one of the million dollar questions that comes up time and time again - in one guise or another!
And I hate to break it to you upfront, I don’t think there is a really simple answer to this – sorry! (Otherwise I think I could well be a millionaire!)
Possibly fighting a losing battle…
On the whole, we lead ridiculously busy lives. Any time we ‘save’ with something done quickly, we fill with something else.
Labour-saving devices seem like a blessing don’t they (I can’t deny I love having a dishwasher) but there is a ‘but’ coming - I lob things in, then I get on with something else. If I stop to do the dishes, I actually have a moment to think.
Before you say it, I know what’s coming, you may be thinking – ‘yes, but the thing you did after loading the dishwasher, that would still have to be done after the more laborious dishwashing by hand.’
And you could well be right, but I honestly think the replenishing ‘to-do’ list continues, no matter how many things you exhaust yourself by doing. Do you ever reach a state of ‘ I have nothing to do, how awesome’ ? Somehow I doubt it!
So should we even try to balance all the things?!
Yes and no!
I am not for a moment underestimating how it can feel very overwhelming with the amount of stuff to do – as I said above, it just seems to grow no matter how much we do.
And I think perhaps herein lies part of the problem – we are trying to ‘conquer’ something that can’t really be conquered. So we have to be selective.
You are one person, with finite time in the day, no matter how much you may wish that neither of those things were true.
To help us manage being that one person, with 24 hours in a day, it helps to focus on balancing what matters, not what doesn’t. I now that sounds simplistic, but I promise it helps. All the things we do are an investment of our time and energy, so being selective is the way forward.
Some tips for balancing the things that matter
- Find a way of breaking down ‘all the stuff to do’ that works for you.
I have a ‘to do’ list in categories – my regular and repeating work items, my one-off upcoming work items, my learning and development, life admin and key dates, etc. Then I pull out the priorities for the week in each area and map them into a grid for the week (honestly this has been working really well for me and helps keep me on track for what I actually really want and need to get done and not getting so distracted by shiny things elsewhere!)
- Be realistic about what you can achieve! It’s disheartening to realise you haven’t made the progress you’d hoped, but that’s not really fair if your plan was wildly over-optimistic! On the flip side, it is very satisfying to see the items that are a priority get ticked off the list.
- When there just seems to be a lot to do full stop, consider applying the Ds to them: what is a ‘do now’ really important item? What might be the ‘do next’ item? What can actually be delayed until tomorrow or even next week? Can you delegate anything or at least ask for some support from elsewhere? And what can you maybe ditch altogether?
If I’m brutally honest, there are probably things in my business I could ditch altogether – and to decide this I have started asking – how does this serve me? Is it a good use of my time? What results am I getting from using my time and energy here? I have actually started using this approach to say goodbye to a few things, and I am seeing the benefit.
- You may have noticed on my list I have my learning and development as a category – and I do prioritise something here, as well as my wellbeing.
I have structured my day so that on the whole, I can do a 30-40 min walk, ideally in the mornings, straight after the school run (depending on how quickly we do actually get out the door in the mornings, ha!). Your day will probably look different to mine, but I would encourage you to have something in there that is for you and your wellbeing, even of short duration, and this isn’t the thing that gets ‘ditched’ – even if it is tempting. I am sure I am more productive in the window after my walk now meaning the time was actually doubly well spent!
The life seesaw of work-life balance
I have blogged before that I see work-life balance as something of a tricky term – balance is after all an active state.
If we add in spinning many plates and juggling so many things, what are we, a circus performer hoping not to drop something?! Sounds exhausting doesn’t it?!
Work -life balance also seems to suggest we have work on one side, and everything else together on an opposing side, but I see that as helping feed the conflict rather than working to resolve it.
My take is the ‘life seesaw’ – we have boxes on it which weigh it down, sometimes temporarily, sometimes longer term (obligations, responsibilities for example), but to counteract this we need things to lift and support our seesaw (your wellbeing, self-care and support network for example).
For me, I find this a more helpful way to consider the overall balance I am looking for in life, and I hope you do too. Yes, there may be times when the ‘boxes’ may seem heavier than usual, and this is probably a fairer reflection of what real ‘work-life balance’ actually looks and feels like. It is something to continually try to negotiate, as well as you can, and not beat yourself up if it goes a bit awry from time to time (ahem, where did that half hour of distracted doom-scrolling just go?!)
On a serious note, if this is something you’d like some support with, my mini coaching partnership could be just the thing for you – to support you in managing your version of your life seesaw and finding what works for you in your unique set of circumstances right now. Book in for a no-obligation chat here and we’ll see if it sounds like a good match!
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