Habits that serve us

What are habits?

When we think of habits, often the first thing we think of are ‘bad’ habits, or those little quirks and foibles that people have such as biting nails when we are nervous, or the way Rafael Nadal goes through a little routine of touching his ears and nose and pulling his shorts etc before every point in a tennis match! (I love Rafa by the way. Although I do wonder how he has any skin left on his nose when you consider how many points are played in just a single match!).

I’m not trivialising these small quirks and habits and I’m sure they can be annoying and yet feel unavoidable for those who do them. But for this blog I want to focus on the more significant patterns that we have in our lives, and how these are affecting us.

I also want to consider these patterns and habits not in terms of ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but how are they actually serving us (or not as the case may actually be).

A habit is ‘something we do often and regularly, sometimes without realising we are doing it’. So, it therefore means that we are all likely to have habits that we aren’t even aware of!

If in this context we are talking about habit being actions, ‘something we do’, it’s helpful to remember that our actions, our outward visible behaviour, is driven by our thoughts and perceptions.

How does something become a habit?

A lot of our thinking happens subconsciously; we become used to thinking a certain way (see more about this in my blog on limiting beliefs!), can enter ‘auto pilot’ mode and can then be forming our habits and patterns without giving them much attention – or at least deliberate and conscious consideration. Whilst that isn’t the case for some habits you actively choose to do, like go to the gym / swimming / yoga in the morning, might you have habits that are ‘lurking’ – and if so, are they actually serving you? It might be worth giving this some attention!

It's very likely that the habits you are consciously choosing to do, like the gym / yoga / swimming are ones that are serving you, even if they at times feel like a chore or an obligation. Personally, I know that my heart has to be in it for me to continue an activity for any length of time, and for it to actually become a habit. It’s actually very easy for something to not become a habit – for example, if I set my alarm for 6 am with the intention of doing some form of exercise, but I actually hit the snooze button for the first, second, third day... this is actually becoming my habit. My brain likes patterns and shortcuts, and it will start to expect the snooze button and extra sleep, so my thinking is already starting to lead me towards this action (hitting snooze and not forming my new exercise-habit!). My perception of the gym / swimming / yoga is that it isn’t as valuable to me as sleep is.

creating new habits

Forming new habits (and breaking old ones) requires change, and we know that change is not as comfortable as routine for the brain. Our brain likes to conserve energy for the important things like learning something new and decision-making, meaning shortcuts elsewhere are welcome! Have you noticed how you probably sit in the same place on the train for your commute, or go through a typical order of things to get ready in the morning? This is our brain conserving energy, doing things it knows and is comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with this, and as I mentioned a the start, this is about habits that serve us or not (and so where we sit on the train is of little consequence!). But we could choose to cycle one day (perhaps!)... and if you are like me, you’ll probably need motivation of the genuine intrinsic kind, coming from ourselves and our genuine needs, wants and desires, to start a new habit, and also to stop an old one. For now, I know that I won’t be doing an early alarm for exercise. And I’m ok with that. I don’t perceive my enjoyment of sleep as a ‘bad’ habit, and if I want to do yoga, I will need to find a better time for me to do it.

I’d love to know how this has got you thinking about your habits. Do you find it hard to introduce new ones or have you realised that you have some that you weren’t especially aware of? As always, it is about what works for you – and if it isn’t, perhaps choosing to do something about it. Feel free to get in touch – kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com