I know many people don’t like the term ‘imposter syndrome’ – me included. But if you think about it, a key component of imposter syndrome is self-doubt: thoughts like ‘Am I good enough?’ ,‘Do I deserve this?’ ,‘I’ll get found out soon!’ or ‘I’m not as competent as people think!’ may feature.
You get the idea.
And being full of self-doubt is at best something to keep an eye on, at worst, limiting.
So can you overcome self-doubt? And how can you move from self-doubt to self-assured? Let’s dig a bit deeper!
What is self-doubt?
For a moment, let’s not be all doom and gloom!
Doubt is about feeling uncertain or a lack of conviction. It’s very normal to experience this – it’s just unfortunate that humans don’t really like uncertainty so we like to fill in those unknown gaps, sometimes wrongly (you can read my thoughts on managing uncertainty here).
But sometimes there are occasions when we do feel unsure, and a moment’s pause to evaluate, check and then choose is a good thing. I like to call it the ‘what else’ pause – as in what else could I ask / find out / understand more about before I make this decision?
And if the answer is I won’t know until I take the next step, then that is my cue to make my choice. And I can do this knowing that I can choose again in the future if I need to, armed with the knowledge and information that I will have by that time which I don’t yet have.
I know I’m making it sound easy (which it isn’t) but when doubt becomes a pervasive niggling self-doubt, it is limiting because it can halt you from making any progress at all! A regular sense of ‘let me check in with this’ (healthy questioning) is very different to ‘I don’t trust myself to make a good choice here’ (or another similar thought laden with self-doubt).
An example of self-doubt in action…
Scenario: 'I’ve seen a role advertised that looks really interesting and appealing. But I don’t feel qualified enough for it, I expect others will be a closer match to what they are looking for, there’s one element of the job spec I am not familiar with, how can I make those hours fit with the school run?'... etc!
All these unknowns become doubts or ‘reasons not to even apply’ rather than ‘things to come’ and be answered at the right time. And cumulative doubts like this can be enough to detract you from applying at all.
I have experienced the exact scenario above myself. I swayed in both directions – I’d like to do this… but I don’t think I’ll get it… So what did I do? I decided it wasn’t going to become a default no (no application). I asked a few questions. I threw my hat in the ring, knowing the outcome still may not come to me doing the role, either by my choice or theirs, but at least it wasn’t self-doubt that governed that decision for me. And I don’t want self-doubt to govern your decision-making either!
From self-doubt to self-assured
So is this possible?
Self-assured is one of those descriptors that can feel like a back-handed compliment isn’t it?
Like you are possibly arrogant or ‘full of yourself’ – I’ll come back to that second one in a moment!
But let’s be clear that self-assured is different to arrogance / bravado or cockiness. The definition is actually something along the lines of ‘feeling confident in one’s own abilities or character’. To me it is about knowing yourself (in a realistic light – a flawed person but with strengths, skills, capabilities and a lot to offer!), trusting yourself (that you’ll do you best and will respond accordingly) and believing in yourself (that you’ve got your best interests at heart, are courageous and capable, and deserve happiness and opportunities as much as anyone else).
And as for being full of yourself – we think of this in the ‘cockiness’ sense usually, but how about this alternative… who else is there to be full of? Another person?! No one at all?! Choose you; you are exactly the right person to be full with, just as you are!
How can I be more self-assured?
That’s a million dollar questions isn’t it?! – and not a ‘quick fix’ one either I’m afraid. But it is possible to become more self-assured.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to nurture your self-belief and trust in yourself:
- When have I shown that my trust in myself was warranted?
- When have I had to act / be decisive and do something I might not have chosen otherwise but surprised myself?
- When have I shown that I have in fact coped and adapted well when things have not gone as I had hoped or expected, or even when the rug was pulled from under me?
As a coach, it is my role to help you create new thinking – not just about what is possible, but also about yourself. Your internalised view of yourself is likely very different to what others see, know, like and respect. Maybe your view could be expanded to include recognition of just how capable you really are, and in turn your options and progress also increased.
And if you haven’t downloaded my guide on stopping imposter syndrome from getting in your way – please find that here: https://subscribepage.io/stop-imposter-syndrome
If self-doubt is something you know you struggle with, please don't continue to do so - let's talk - soon! Here is where you can book straight in: https://www.kbmindfulcoaching.com/clarity-consultation
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