We’ve probably all heard and accept the expression that ‘no one is perfect’... and yet do we always remember it when it comes to reflecting on ourselves, our actions and decisions?! I’m guessing sometimes not!
It's ok not to be perfect - you're imperfectly human!
The truth is we mess up from time to time: we drop a ball, we choose something we wish we hadn’t, we forget something, we may (hopefully unintentionally) hurt someone’s feelings.
We all do it, it comes with being human and all we can really hope for is that we learn from it, not to repeat it (often at least!) or it just doesn’t happen too often to be unbearably uncomfortable! And as a lovely fellow small business owner friend reminded me this week:
“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” —Albert Einstein
On the flip side, whilst there definitely isn’t any such thing as a ‘perfect life’ to continuously strive for (and never reach in the endless game of ‘once I achieve xxx, then I’ll be happy’), there absolutely is something to be said for actions, adjustments and assistance to live our lives in a way that feels better for us. This is all part of the ‘doing our best’ ethos, and applies to all areas of our lives – work , home, relationships, health and so on.
Doing our best does not have to mean doing it alone. Some people are readily willing and able to do what it takes to help themselves and change their situation and outcomes, for others this does not come easily at all; there’s no judgement here!
Managing struggle
In my opinion, the thing to avoid for any length of time, is the ‘struggle’ – and it’s most sneaky when it’s the ‘subconscious struggle’, or even ‘unconscious struggle’.
Here is my ’struggle barometer’ (which I totally just made up):
As it would suggest, when things are going well, there isn’t really a struggle, or it’s just the very short-lived irritations (e.g. ‘World book day today you say? Sure, I have a costume ready...’!) that come and go without much bother. Or when things are difficult, we feel able to ask for and get the support we need.
The unconscious struggle – this is devious, because we are actually struggling, longer term, but we aren’t yet noticing it. We just get on with it.
The subconscious struggle is when we are carrying on, but have a sense of ‘accepting our lot’, and ‘this is just how it is’, because deep down we know we are struggling even though we are trying to just keep going, and not acknowledge it. But the struggle we are experiencing might be showing up in other ways, we might be getting snappy, or not sleeping well for example.
The silent struggle is when we know full well we are finding things tough going, but we don’t want to bother anyone, or admit to it, or any other reason that means we keep going, even if secretly we are screaming inside for help.
And there is the stage when we ask for and accept help (which ideally doesn’t come after experiencing all the other stages, hopefully it is before then!) because our doing our best on our own just doesn’t cut it anymore. I’ve written about asking for help before, but now more than ever I think people need to hear that it is absolutely normal and OK to be perfectly imperfect and need some help sometimes, whether that is through coaching or something else. And it's not to try and be perfect but to try and feel and do better than what we currently have.
As a self-employed business owner I’ve learned some of this the hard way for sure! I’m currently getting some support from a wonderful VA which feels fantastic (after nearly 3 years of doing everything myself!). And I know she will get what needs to be done more efficiently, promptly, correctly and creatively than I would.
So my key message really is this: Please do want things to be better (not perfect), and be prepared to do something about it. You deserve it. Do you recognise where you might be currently on the struggle barometer, and importantly, is it just temporary?
If you’d like to talk more about this and see if coaching might be a good option, please do book in for a no-obligation 45-min clarity session with me and we’ll take it from there! Kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com
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