This week in my Facebook community, the topic of self-sabotage has come up. Sounds serious doesn’t it?! When we think of sabotage, devious plots to throw something deliberately off course can come to mind... why on earth would we be doing that to ourselves?!
why do we self-sabotage?
And yet... so many of us are. It can be very difficult not to because the tricky bit is that sabotage is devious and sneaky. It might be dressed up as protecting ourselves from greater harm. But it actually might be costing us greater opportunity instead. Our brains are primed to protect ourselves from harm. Sounds fair enough, right?! But the truth is, we aren’t exposed to the same potential harm that we used to be – no sabre-toothed tigers lurking in your garden for example! Today’s harm is far more likely to stem from fear of repercussions, of failure, of what others will think of us, and so on, rather than fear of imminent death (at least most of the time hopefully)!
As with so many things, we start with awareness – what is it you do that demonstrates you might be self-sabotaging?
You might be reading this and know only too well how you are inclined to sabotage yourself, or you might be thinking, ‘I might be doing this, but I’m not sure. How do I know?’
How might you be self-sabotaging?
Perhaps some of these sound familiar:
· I don’t want to create any kind of conflict so I’ll keep quiet
· If I don’t feel in control of everything, things are likely to go wrong
· If I could just achieve this next (qualification / promotion / xx salary) then I’ll be happy / successful
· When I face an unfamiliar or uncertain situation the worst-case scenario is likely to happen
· I don’t like saying no to people, even if it is to my disadvantage
· Once my new idea / business case / proposal etc.is perfect then I’ll share it!
You might have read one of those and thought ‘I do that!’ or you’ve realised you have your own version that is not too far removed from those examples above. If so, then it is likely that there are greater opportunities within your reach than you may be currently securing due to self-sabotage. I wish I could tell you there is a quick fix to this, but that wouldn’t be fair or true. But if you can be aware that this is what you might be doing, rather than just skipping to the acceptance part of that kind of thinking, that is already putting you one step in the right direction. And knowing that it is you that might be creating a block rather than anyone else also gives you back the power to act on it.
Do let me know how you think self-sabotage is showing up for you, I’d love to hear from you - kathryn@kbmindfulcoaching.com. I also plan to cover self-sabotage in a course I’m putting together for the autumn – more on that soon – and so your input on this is invaluable, thank you!
If you'd like to have a complimentary clarity session please do book yourself in here - and if you want to talk about self-sabotage in that session then that’s absolutely fine!
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